It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
