the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
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I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
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I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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