Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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