STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
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there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
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So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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