So drunk its hurt
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
