if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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