Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
