That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
