im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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