Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
