Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
