Im at strip club and am horny
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
