All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
