the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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