you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
