So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
