dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
