My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
