Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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