i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
