Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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