chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
