Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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