life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
