forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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