you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
