Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
