It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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