I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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