i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
