We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
