Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
