just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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