If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
