i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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