I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
No I am not eating basil off your cock
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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