I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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