He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
