how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
