I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
