so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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