Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
