id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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