you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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