look no pants
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
