don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
