He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
