would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
