I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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