I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
they need to just BURY HIM!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
