Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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