i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
