There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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