i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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