Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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