I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
