Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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