I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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