At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
