I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
