I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
