honey bunches of taint.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
