I am in a vortex of obligation.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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