I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
