I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
