oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
50% drunk capacity currently
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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