like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
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Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
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Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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