We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
