1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
