Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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