he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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