he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
