; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
