dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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