what day is it and did you see me today?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize