just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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