Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
