Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
