God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
