Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
