don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
