no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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