her vagine was all disorganized.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
