god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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