I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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